next best thing

If my fishing skills doesn't improve, I want to come back as an Eagle because on those nature shows an Eagle never misses when it scoops down to get a fish. You never see it fly up empty handed, looking longingly down at the water with an "oh crap" expression.

real value

My mother is all about the hunt. Every year for Christmas and every business trip that my brother Quoc goes on, he buys my parents a tea set. My mother never talks about the tea sets when friends or relatives come over. What my mother will brag about is this dwarfed lemon tree in the front yard, that gives about ten lemons all year old. I carted the lemon tree home on a borrowed wheel barrow for over a mile. Every lemon that dwarfed tree produces is worth more than 1000 exotic tea sets, at least to my mother the hunter.

morning thought

I know it's a time for giving and it's just a buck or loose change, but does anyone else avoid eye contact with the people that ring the bell outside of groceries store or malls?

lemons for tangerines

During fight 50,938 my mother asked why I have to get so angry.

I told her she shouldn't plant lemons and then get mad when they don't become tangerines.

She walked away without saying anything else to me because she knows she has the worst temper in the family. 1st fight ever with me getting the last word...bring on 50,939.

live bullets

I was a candy pusher in middle school. I used to get about 10 different kinds of candy for a penny at Amaco, but my biggest seller was the fortune bubble gum. It’s a stick of gum, in lucky Chinese red wrapper with a fortune inside. My mother drove me to Amaco once a week, I’d buy ten dollars worth and put them in bags of twenty five pieces and resold it for fifty cents a bag.

I never had to take into account the gas it took every week, the time spent in the car, time spent on separating the candy, the bags and rubber bands my mother paid for without asking for reimbursement. Every bag I sold, I made a quarter. Simple mathematics.

“There’s nothing in there, it’s not even live,” I protested.

The airport agent pointed to the sign about transporting ammunition and illegal goods.

“Can I send it? What if I send it?” I insisted.

The airport agent pointed to the sign prohibiting the mailing of ammunition and illegal goods.They got their stuff covered on this side of the gate, which is funny because I didn’t see any of these signs when I came into Saigon.

“You know the guy who sold this said I shouldn’t have any problems.”

Once again, he referred me to the sign.

Three bucks a bullet. Advertised as real authentic bullets from the Vietnam war (but in Vietnam it’s known as the American war). For an extra buck, I could get a keychain slapped on it. The bullets were sold all over the streets of Saigon. I bought six as souvenirs.

“So you’re saying, there’s no way these bullets are leaving with me out of Vietnam? Why is it even legal to sell?"

After ten minutes of protests, I unwillingly handed over the bullets. The airport agent dumped them into a box, filled with thousands of other bullets, the same bullets that he will sell to the vendors on the streets of Saigon as soon as his shift is over.

Three bucks a bullet, for an extra buck they'll throw in a keychain. Six souvenirs waiting for the next sucker. Twenty four bucks gone along with a piece of my faith in humanity. Mathematics, sometimes it's just not that simple.

morning thought

How come it took two astronauts to do repairs to the coolant system on the International Space Station, but it's taken as many as ten police officers to deal with a homeless guy jaywalking?

morning thought

Why do people put their best foot forward with strangers but show the ugly sides to their loved ones?

It's going to suck when I'm old. My memory is going to be crap, having to always put my best foot forward because I won't remember who I can be ugly to.