el camino

There were three hermits sharing a cave. One day a horse came by. A year passed and one of the hermits said, "Pretty black horse."

Another year passed and the second hermit said, "It was white."

Another year goes by and the third hermit said, "I'm going to have to find a new cave if this chattering doesn't stop."

****

The Shockley boys (Clint, Jonathan and I can't remember the youngest brother) have been giving the Vietnamese kids a hard time for a while now. Jonathan (the middle kid) and I have been classmates since the seventh grade. He teased me about my eyes and the way I look from the time I first met him. If he wasn't so hung up on my nationality, he would have found plenty of other material to work with. I wasn't the smoothest kid in the world.

We just dropped everyone off. It's just me, Thong and Lai now. Cruising the streets of Wichita, KS at two in the morning. My parents are asleep, thinking I'm doing the same thing. When the statute of limitations for grounding runs out, I might tell them of my escapades.

Lai spots the Shockley's house and the El Camino in the driveway. He stops. Three teenagers, unlimited boredom and limited cash with a vendetta to pay. It's a bad night to be a Shockley.

My friend Lai is an honor roll student, all state soccer player and good looking guy. Thong can barf and crap on command. He is a great resource to have when you need a test postponed. All I have to do is ask, and he will leave something on the floor. They are my boys, my best friends.

They get out of the car. I scoot over to the driver side manning my post as the getaway driver. I see a stream of water emitting from Lai onto the driver's side of the El Camino. Thong is inside with his pants pulled down and leaving the remains of his dinner.

If the Shockley boys weren't such hermits, they'd realize that we listen to New Kids on the Block just like them. We get bored like all teenagers. We sneak out and grey our parents hair prematurely like they do. We struggle with our lockers especially on days we are running behind.

If the Shockely boys weren't such hermits, they'd have a better understanding of demographics. They would realize that Asians outnumber them by a few billion. If I were the Shockleys, I'd pick on the Croatians with a population slightly over 4 million. But if the Asians are too enticing, then they better lock their doors at night because the next time we will be packing some x-lax.