weighted knowledge

My father grew up in a little town along the Mekong Delta called Vinh Long. When I went there this summer, my father asked me to give my uncle a hundred dollar, which translates to about 1.6 million dong. To put things into perspective, a Nike factory worker along the Delta makes 200,000 to 300,000 dong a month. Therefore, 1.6 million dong should afford my uncle plenty of things, except maybe a pair of Nike.

The last time I saw my uncle was over fifteen years ago, so it's safe to say that i've packed on a few pounds here and there. Pounds that i like to think of as weighted knowledge. For example, a gallon of butter pecan ice cream is not good for the thighs. Weighted knowledge, now i know. Family bucket of KFC chicken, not meant for a family of one. Weighted knowledge, now i know. My body is nothing but knowledge, my butt, my cheeks, my hips, my chubby little fingers..i am a walking encyclopedia.

Anyhow, my uncle had nothing but fat comments for me the moment i saw him. There is just something ironic about fat jokes from a guy whose belly is a good foot and a half ahead of the rest of his body when he walks. So on my second day there, I decided to deduct a 100,000 dong for every fat comment he makes. The third day, when i said goodbye, i left him 600,000 dong. He lost a million dong. At that rate, had I stayed another day, he would have had to mortgaged his straw house to pay for his mouth.